I Love You Even If We Are Not Together
by CrazyKAMESFan13
Summary: Kendall and James are dating, they break up, James gets a girlfriend and now Kendall has to spend his first year of college and the whole summer seeing them together and worst of all he has to go to a music festival with them
1. Chapter 1

**Hi so i am making a new fiction because the idea have be eating me alive and i don't know if want to continue "getting the boy" but if you want me too just tell me and i will.**

**So in this fiction the guys and the other cast from big time rush that i use act different then their normal self.**

**They are normal people meaning they don't have cars and not rich, they are just normal.**

**James is an art boy so is Jett **

**Kendall want to be a musician but doesn't follow his dream and let it go and focus on college but plan on being a singer after college is over**

**Logan still want to be a doctor and Carlos want to be whatever the future makes him**

**Kendall is a little girly in this...like quarter girly and and 75% man **

**And i think that is it so ENJOY!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not won big time rush but i so wish i do, i only own the idea and the OCS characters **

* * *

**Kendall P.O.V**

This is what you need to know to understand my story.

Moved to Minnesota.

Started at college to do my A-levels and had like no friends.

Fell in love with a moody art boy called James on day two of college.

Are now best friends with his best friend since toddler Dom, Carlos.

Am deadly enemies with Jo, James' former and skanky ex who also want her paws on Carlos ex boyfriend Logan except now they are back together.

After months and months of many passionate kisses and James acting like a complete jerk afterwards, we went on a college trip to Paris and ended up together as a couple boyfriends!

My dirty blond hair keeps getting blonder so I decide to let it keep getting blond.

* * *

**8th April**

I have a photo of me and James tucked into my journal. We're standing on the deck of a ferry looking around Paris. James got his hands around my waist and he is squinting down at me and smiling fondly like I'm the greatest thing in the world. Even greater than our recent discovery that chopping up chocolate chip cookies and scooping them into vanilla ice cream will give you twice the sugar rush you normally get. We're standing in a force 10 gale, so his beautiful brunette hair is going up in all direction and his smile make him look even more beautiful.

He certainly looks happy to be my boyfriend. But over the last week I've made the startling discovery that having a boyfriend is nothing like I imagined. No Scratch that. Having James as a boyfriend is exactly how imagined it. Or thought it might be in my worst nightmares. All that stuff he told me on the boat about how being boyfriends was going to be like we were before but even better? We hang out with each other like we did before but there was all this amazing kissing and touching and I don't know boy friendly behavior. Well not so much, because now that James is my boyfriend, I have to handle his weirdness head-on. His weirdness has, like, rules. Not that he has giving me a written list but if he did it will probably go's like this.

Don't ever come round to my house. Ever.

Don't hold hands with me in public.

Kissing and touching and boy friendly behavior should be restricted to dark corners.

Pet names are strictly prohibited.

Don't expect me to call when I say I will or be on time for anything or come round for Sunday lunch with your parents.

Some of it is good. A lot of it is good. And my kissing technique is drastically improved with all the extra practice I'm getting but, I mean, James was way more affectionate when we were bickering mates.

* * *

**9th April **

I was sitting by Minnesota State University also know as MSU fountain (I don't know if the college has a fountain or not so if they don't, let just pretend they do) with Carlos when James sauntered over to us.

"God Kendall," Carlos muttered when he caught sight of James," you can't be planning to go off and make out _again_. You look like you've had a collagen lip implants as it is.

"Shut up" I said plaintively. "You make me sound like a kiss slut."

He arched an eyebrow. "oh, am sorry I must be getting you confused with someone else then."

Then James was there. "Which hand?" he drawled putting his hand behind his back. My heart leapt. Had he brought me a present?

"The left?"

James gave me a huge sunshiny grin. "That was the right answer," he said swinging a key in front of my eyes.

"What's that?" I asked, though it was pretty obvious what it was, but I felt like I needed some clarification.

"It's the key to the darkroom. You coming?"

"Who said romance was dead?" I heard Carlos hiss to no in particular as I jumped off the wall and followed James in the direction of the art room.

And I had been planning to tell James a few truths, I really had, but once we reached the darkroom he immediately reached for me and I kind of forgot. James had me against the wall so I couldn't move but is not like I wanted to move. I felt sort of boneless and lethargic like carrot does when she's all sleepy and lying in the sun. (Carrot is my cat and I call her that because she is orange and has green fur on her head). James' tongue was sending sparks through my skin and we were suddenly interrupted by the door banging open.

"Fuck off" snarled James, not bothering to turn around, which was a pretty stupid thing to do. Or at least that's what Marcos our photography tutor, said when he proceeded to give us a major, major bollocking. With, like, knobs on. No pun intended.

God, we got into major trouble. I was summoned by my personal tutor and sent home for the rest of the afternoon. This actually is my kind of punishment.

As I was standing outside the college gates and applying some lip bum on my lips, which seem to be permanently desensitized from over use theses days, James caught with me.

"Soooo, are we going back to yours?" He purred.

"I was this close to being sent home with a note," I snapped. "You know my parents don't trust us to be alone.

It's true. They didn't seem overjoyed at the idea of me dating James and he's forbidden from my room unless the door is open. It hasn't occurred to them that we could get up to all sorts of inappropriate touching in plenty of other venues but I'm not going to be the one to shatter their illusions.

"Oh c'mon Kendall," he said, nudging me. 'I don't wanna go home and Martyn told me to get out of his sight for the rest of the day." (Martyn is their principle….are there even principle in college? If there are not let just pretend.)

"Well, ok then," I conceded grudgingly. "I need to talk to you anyway."

"That sounds ominous," James said out of the side of his mouth but I quelled him with a look and we spent the rest of the walk to my house in silence, which pissed me off. It was like James had forgotten how to speak to me.

"What the hell is your problem?" I shouted at him the minute we got inside the front door. "Why aren't you talking to me?"

"I am he protested, following me up the stairs. "You are the one not talking to me."

"You're treating me like a…..a….a kiss slut!" I said furiously.

James snorted. "Like, you don't treat me that way too."

Then he sat down next to me on the bed and put an arm round my shoulders. "Look Kendall, this is a bit weird for both of us. So, what do you want to talk about?"

I shrugged. "Stuff. Like, you know, stuff about each other. You never tell me what's going on with you or in your life."

"The only thing going on in my life is you," James snarked. "There's nothing to tell."

Then I snarked back at him. He got sulky. I got pouty and we ended the argument the way we ended every argument. By investigating each other's mouths with our tongues.

Two minutes later we were rolling about on my bed. I think it was when we landed on the floor with a loud thud that my mum realized that the house wasn't empty. She came charging up the stairs and banished James from the house for daring to lay his evil hands on her innocent, virgin son. It was all I can do to keep her from grounding me.

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**so tell me if you guys like it and if i should continue **


	2. April

**Sorry if i updated too late but it's almost the end of the year and i have projects to finish up but i updated. this is so much longer than the first chapter and this story is all Kendall's pov because this is like his journal and we are reading it a year late so basically this is his first year of college he is eighteen but in present time it is his second year of college and he is almost 20.**

**i don't own btr only the ocs characters so ENJOY!**

**10th April **

I didn't speak to James today. I think that he forgot to pay this phone bill again and now it's disconnected which led to the revelation that I didn't have James's house number. He always calls me. Always. And that is weird. It's every weird like a whole new kind of weird. I have known James for seven months now. Been on an intimate relationship with his mouth for a little less time than that so you will think that I have his house phone number. I could have done the whole telephone directory thing but instead I went to Carlos.

"So you are going to have a go at me for not telling you about James's dysfunctional family?" He wanted to know, a tad belligerently, when I ask him for James's number.

I was like whoa! "Look, I wouldn't expect you to betray James's truth" I said sweetly. "You are his oldest mate." Which was actually his cue to explain what the hell he meant by his strange and cryptic remark about James's family.

"James hasn't said anything about having a dysfunctional family," I said grumpily. "In fact, he hasn't even admitted to having a family. I was beginning to think he was hatched in an art boy factory."

Carlos fiddled nervously with some pile of junk on top of his bedside cabinet. "Sorry," he muttered. "Sometimes it's hard being stuck in the middle of you two."

Then Carlos started telling me about the things that is happening in his relationship with Logan and how he thinks that Jo is behind all of the weird phone calls he was getting and I forgot all about calling James.

By the time I got home, it wad really late and the Mothership was fuming. So I was like, what else is new?

Her and dad was heading off to the grandparents in Kansas for a long weekend (thanks the sweetness baby Jesus) and James had rung about ten times.

They were convinced that I had James stashed down the road somewhere and I was just waiting for them to leave so he could enter the house and violate me on the new IKEA rug. She said as much. When your mother doesn't want to have the sex talk with you anymore but instead wants to talk to you about the possibility that you might have sex on her soft furnishings, it's a watershed moment in anybody's life. I know I will remember it fondly for many years to come.

Anyway after much foot-stamping and gagging noises, which I've found works better than rational debates, I managed to persuade them that I haven't seen James all day and they left. Then they came back to harangue me with instructions about the boiler and not forgetting to give carrot her worming tablets. Then they left again. Time for some snacks and movie night. I think.

**Later.**

Oh God, James is on his way here. I wasn't going to let him but when he heard that the rents were off the premises for forty-right hours there was no stopping him. He didn't exactly ask if he can stay over but then again it's 10:30 pm now

Oh, hell that's him at the door now…

* * *

**11th April**

James was practically learning on the doorbell but straightened up when I took the security chain off and peered out.

"It'll just be my luck if you actually turn out to be a serial killer." Was my cheery greeting.

"Hey" he murmured with a fairly-half hearted smile. "I brought you a present."

Usually when James gets me a present its smooch related (lip balm, chocolate "to boost your energy levels," etc.). So I was worried that it was like, alcohol or condoms or something and he was going to try and seduce me.

But James was shoving a bag at me. Inside was this seventies white T- shirt with a tiger logo on it.

"Aw, I love it" I squealed, giving him a hug. I did love it and I was also really relieved that it wasn't going to lead to a BIG TALK ABOUT SEX.

"Try it on now!" James insisted.

"You gonna come in? You can't stand on the doorstep all night."

Him being there felt awkward all of the sudden, normally James and I camp out in my bedroom but the rents away it seemed wrong(which actually goes to show that all those Mother-sponsored talks about the dangers of teen pregnancy and having sex before I was ready did the trick).

But then again, I didn't want James in the lounge with all my embarrassing school photos. I never noticed how small our hall was or what naff pictures we had until James stood there looming over me and smirking at the reproduction Canaletto's.

"Nice art" he remarked. "You can never have too many paintings of Venice in the last seventeenth century, I always say".

"My parents went there on their honeymoon," I volunteered reluctantly. "Where did your parents go?"

Words were coming out of my mouth. Really stupid words. I so needed to work on that. James ignored my crass attempt to ferret out any piece of information that might have to do with his personal life.

"So, here we are," he purred. "And no authority figures within 200 miles"

"um tea?"

James followed me into the kitchen and watched through narrowed eyes as I put the kettle on and pondered the mug situation. Why did all our cups have a slogans on them like "World's Best Dad" and "Cat owner and proud of it"? I lived in the tackiest house in the world.

"Why are you acting like you're scared to be alone with me?" James suddenly asked.

I blushed big time. "I'm not."

"I won't pounce on you just cause your parents are off the premises. Not unless you ask nicely that is."

"God, you're a charmer" I muttered. "It's just feels odd, that's all."

By the time James did finished his tea it was past midnight. I could tell that something is wrong because he hasn't tried to kiss me, not even once. But as I walked past him to put his cup in the dishwasher, he pulled me onto his lap and buried his face in my neck. I put my arms around him.

"I know there's something wrong, James," I said cajolingly. "c'mon. tell me what's up."

James hugged me tighter. "Oh, well…..no, it's nothing."

"JAMES!"

"My mum's kicked me out," he finally said after I'd watched the second hand on the clock do a full 360 degree. "It's not serious, she does it s couple of times a month."

"But why?" I gasped.

James's lip twisted wryly. "Nothing earth shattering." I forgot to put the milk back in the fridge, and the time before that I came home a bit late. She gets a bit irrational sometimes."

I was completely out of my depth. When my mum's being irrational, it's usually because I wore something too short in her opinion or changed all of her email settings on the computer. And she would never ever throw me out of the house. Ever.

"Maybe she is going through the menopause," I suggested feebly and James snorted. "I'm sorry, J. I don't know what to say, just you know, I'm sorry."

I gently disentangled myself from his arms, so I could be the one that did the hugging. "it will work it self out," I told him because it seemed like the right thing to say.

And though in actual fact it was a lame thing to say, but James seemed ridiculously pleased to be the huggee instead of the hugger. "Don't know what I'd do without you," he mumbles into my hair.

And he totally slept in the guest room last night. Cross my heart and hope to die.

* * *

**12th April**

So the next day, James got up and I gave him a clean towel so he could have a shower, then I made him breakfast before he went off to his Saturday job. It was like we were living together or something. We hadn't talked about whether he was going to come over later, or, like, stay the night again and I tried to spend the day working on a history essay due, but I mostly debated whether I should ring him and let him know that it was OK if he wanted to.

We usually hung out on a Saturday night anyway but I didn't want to seem like pushy boyfriend. All the angsting has been for nothing though because he rang me and wanted to know if I liked a bottle of wine with our dinner. So then I spent the rest of the afternoon fantasizing that we _were_ living together. But it was in a cool Pena house inNew York City and not a semi detached house in Sherwood. God, we had such a nice evening. I'd removed all traced of potentially humiliating family artifacts from the living room and we curled up on the sofa, sipping wine and talking nonsense. We'd just had a lazy debate about whether Simon Cowell was the anti-Christ when James said out of the blue, "You're lucky, you know. You have a nice house and you have two parents who take an active interest in your life…..

"You've got to be kidding me," I spluttered before I'd had a chance to remove my foot from my mouth.

"My parents drive me absolutely crazy."

"At least they're not, like, _actually _crazy," James said bitterly and the atmosphere in the room suddenly drooped to well below zero. (1)

"I'm sorry. There's this whole thinking before I say stuff thing that I'm trying out," I groaned. "But it's not going very well."

I hoisted myself to an upright position and placed my wine glass on the floor so I could swivel round and grab James's hands. God, he looked so utterly miserable.

"You are lucky," he said again. "Your mum and dad….like, you're the most important person in their world. And even when you argue with them, it's about stuff that doesn't matter and they still love you. They'll never stop loving you."

So then I felt really stupid and immature because I'm always bitching about my parents and how they treat me like a little kid. And really, compared to James who's currently homeless, I was just a spoiled little princess. (2)

"I'm meant to argue with my parents" I said in a small, lame voice. "I'm a eighteen-year old boy that my job."

He smiled faintly at that and I learned back on the cushions. We didn't say anything for a while and then James stretched out across the sofa and put his head on my lap so I could ran my fingers through his hair. I swear to God, he almost purred. And when I rubbed his neck, which carrot loves and which makes her legs do a good impersonation of spaghetti, he mad a happy, snuffly noises.

What's with him and being all boneless and relaxed, it seemed like a good time as any. "James, I don't know anything about you…."

Shit! James tensed up immediately. For a moment I didn't think he was going to speak and then he was pouring out all this stuff about how his dad has walked out ten years ago and how he wanted to leave home but his mum was really unstable. And how she'd pick fights with him and say terrible things to him but then she'd have these hysterical tantrums every time he packed up his bags. It was obvious he has really cut up about it because once he'd started talking he couldn't stop. He kept wiping the back of his hand across his face, like he was trying not to cry and all I cold do was carry on stroking his hair.

"You know, I guess I love her cause she is my mother," James said finally. "But a large part of me really hates her."

He hauled himself off the couch and stood up. "I need some water?"

When James came back, he seemed much calmer but do you know what really pissed me off? He started making all these noises about how he should go and he didn't want to impose on me, but it was really because he'd opened up and he was totally embarrassed. I know him now. I don't automatically think that he's the coolest person in the world. Sometimes he's just an ordinary boy with severe emotional problems.

"Look, you can stay here tonight," I protested. "It's no big deal. Besides you're already here and it wicked late."

James stuck his hands into his back pockets and actually _pouted!_ "I usually go and camp at Dak's or Logan's or Carlos's."

That got me so annoyed. "I can't believe you've never told me this." I said sulkily.

Ok, it wasn't what James needed to hear but he told everyone except me. James flung himself back down on the sofa next to me and gave me a none-to-gentle poke in the ribs.

"Oh, don't start ken," he groaned. "I don't need you bitching at me too."

I so wasn't going to stay in cuddling distance with him if he was going to be like that. But when I tried to get up, James pulled me closer to him.

"Come here, you," he drawled before kissing me, hard. I pulled away.

"That's no way to end an argument," I snapped.

"I thought we were just having a slight misunderstanding," James smirked. "Anyway it's a nice way to end an argument."

I pulled a face. James was right- I hate it when that happens.

We went up to my room to listen to my new Belle and Sebastian CD and it was just likeParisall over again. James was going to sleep in the guest room but we began kissing and, well, I couldn't have moved if I'd wanted to. Which I didn't.

* * *

**13th April**

James woke up before me and tickled me until I started screaming.

"Do you have to be so damn perky?" I hissed, trying to untangle myself from the duvet. When you end up sleeping in your cloths, it always feels like you haven't really slept properly.

"Do you have to be so grumpy?" said James teasingly. "Your' rents aren't coming back today are they?"

"Not' til Monday," I grunted. "Go away. I need more sleep."

But I didn't get any more sleep because James got out of bed and put the TV on. And then provided me with a running commentary on how sucky all the bands were on MTV until I finally gave up all pretences at having a lie-in and whined at him until he went to make coffee. It was very strange watching _Alias _with James. He sniggered a lot wheneverSark got screen-time even though I tried really hard not to show any visible signs, like drooling or something or something, that I liked the dastardly blue-eyed master spy. Then both our phones rang at the exact same time and we looked at each other in horror. For different reasons.

"Who the hell is ringing me right in the middle of Alias? I shrieked while James muttered, "If that's my mum then I'm not here."

The phone carried on ringing. It was Carlos on line one for me and Logan on line two for James.

"I need to talk to you" he cried. "I'm coming around, ok?"

"But I'm watching Alias"

There was a ring on the doorbell, "Too late, Ken, I'm already here," he announced before hanging up and banging on the door. He has no manners sometimes.

James has finished speaking to Paul and he went to let her in. I thought they'd come up to my room but I could hear them talking in the hall while I finished watching Alisa on my d.v.r.

"What's happening?" I asked Carlos, who was sitting on the stairs. I'm not a natural hostess.

"It's Jo!" He spat out. "She must have phoned fifty times last nigh. And I'm getting these pathetic letters. Look."

He handed me a bunch of papers that said standard slasher-flick stuff like that, "I'm watching you,"

"Have you checked the locks?" and "I'll see you if you ever get there."

I rolled my eyes. "Jo's really sad."

"And not very imaginative, sneered James. "Do you want me to have a word with her?"

"Cheers, hon." beamed Carlos, but there is no way I want James to confront Jo about her smear campaign against Carlos. Not when they have a whole history that involves kissing and stuff. I am starting to feel a little left out.

* * *

**14th April**

James hasn't done anything about Jo yet, and I'm hoping he's forgotten about it. Because, yeah, life always works out just how you want it to. I begged him not to get involved and let Logan and Carlos sort it out for themselves but he wasn't having it for a second.

"Carlos doesn't wantLogananywhere near Jo, you know that," he said in this long-suffering voice, like I'd been nagging. Which I so hasn't.

"Well, why can't he go and yell at Jo himself?" I wanted to know as we waited for the bus into town. "He doesn't normally have a problem with that."

James signed hard enough to blow the leaves off the trees. "He doesn't want Jo to know that she's getting to him and he's worried that she'll end up losing it and pushing him into a path of a tram or something." His voice was all "don't go there" but I went there.

"I still don't see why you have to be the one who deals with it. It's not like, the Irish peace negotiations, is it? And you're not exactly a disinterested third party, are you? My voice was rapidly reaching the hysterical setting. "Do you still like her?"

"No. though when you start shouting like a fishwife, I'm not convinced that I still like you," James snapped. (3)

And then I was so mad at him, I refused to get on the bus when it came. I just sat at the stop and in the end, James crouched down in front of me and apologized profusely and said that he was sorry.

But, it was too late, he'd said it, and apologizing doesn't automatically wipe it away.

**27th April**

It's been like, nearly two weeks and James still hasn't sorted out the Jo problem. The longer he leaves it, the more freaked out I get. And every time I mention it, James gets really narked. Probably because I mention it a lot. But I can't help it.

Like, yesterday, we were in the corner shop and I saw a cover line on a magazine that said something about exes and I couldn't stop myself. "This Jo thing is a really bad idea, James," just kinda popped out of my mouth. "I think you should leave it."

James rolled his eyes. "Oh God, here we go again," he muttered under his breath. "Why don't _you_ leave it instead?"

He was really snappy but I was snappier.

* * *

**This is the end of chapter two and the end of April. May and chapter 3 will come soon.**

**1) lol that rhymes**

**2) I was going to write prince but I felt like princess fits perfectly.**

**3) I love to reference toKendallwas a girl.**

** GERGORY GORGEOUS OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM he is so inspiring and so gorgeous with or without makeup so if you don't know him check out his YouTube account and you will not regret it.**


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